East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
