Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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