i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
