no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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