Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I bet he comes in French.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
