why didn't you poke me back
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize