I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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