u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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