i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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