I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
