Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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