After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
