cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize