Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
