i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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