don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
