I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
