So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
