I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
