she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i love accidental penises.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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