Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Everclear isn't food dammit
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
