The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
