ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
