so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
A bitchslap is in order.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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