I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dicks are not precious.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
