My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
PANTIES FOUND
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
