I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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