Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
