Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
