they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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