News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
