Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
