I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize