I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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