Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
