Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
