May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
