she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
