Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
