Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize