Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
