I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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