shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
