I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
