I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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