You're so nebulous sometimes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
