Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You were trust falling into bushes
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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