The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
