I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
