I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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