And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize