Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
