Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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