I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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