its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize