I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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