I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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