You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
