my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
