Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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