Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
