that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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