He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
