i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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