He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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