The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
