Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
