I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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