She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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