If i come over, it means nothing
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
