dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
