I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
