I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
