K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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