if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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