dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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