im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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