Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
