Too much gin, very little bucket
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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