This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
