apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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