if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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