You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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