Tell her she can't have a vagina
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
