Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
