I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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