Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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