Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
