How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
