I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize