Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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