There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
