Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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