did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
