Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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