I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
