Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
