thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So squirting runs in the family.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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