It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What a dumb baby whore.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
