we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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