There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
