she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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